How many times have you been in a big trouble? How did you sort it out? So what did happen next? And now, who are you?
These simple questions mean you’re still alive, despite all that life brought to you: the best and the worst. So can you reply to these questions: what did you learn about these experiences? Are you the same person now? How do you project yourself in the future ?
It seems to be a kinda topic that leads nowhere as every human life can be complicated and hard. So each time you live something uncomfortable, it’s quite impossible to think about a happy outcome, because firstly, you’re obsessed with the issue, secondly by the best way to solve it. Where are you in all this mess? I mean, what do you feel except anger, disillusionment, pain or sadness? Where are gone your smile, your faith, your courage, your inside power? You hardly can imagine you’re going to get through that bad moment, aren’t you? The outcome seems to be so far, so hard to reach that your mind is invaded by a thousand of questions and doubts, so your heart ends to drown in an ocean of tears or twists in pain. You ache.
What’s wrong with all that?
Nothing! You came down to Earth to make some experiences, good or bad. In every way, strangely the most important isn’t the solution, but the way you deal with adversity. In fact, no matter you’ll succeed or not. The main thing to know is that you have done everything to sort an issue out. What you did, thought, or created to get the right method have revealed you, who you’re inside. A true and genuine you.
It’s true that it’s easier to talk about an issue later, when you’ve finished with it, than before. When you’ve got trouble, your mind can be so hurt, so full of negative thoughts that you’re in a mental jail, almost busy to go to war against everybody and pretty much everything. When the issue is over, your mind is open again, ready to go back to your good life. But you’re not the same person anymore: that last experience has taught you that you’re able to become a war machine to deal with any problem. You didn’t succeed? No matter, because maybe it’s not your job after all, but someone else, or just because it’s not the best time. You’re serene. You say “thank you” to the Universe for that experience, because you’re able to go further right now, maybe for a beautiful adventure.
Could you imagine for a second you’re living a very quiet life, with no trouble in any way? No, you couln’t, of course, because it never happens to anyone during their life. So we all have to deal with adversity all the time long. The way we drive our mind, or what we learn about ourselves tell us more than anybody could do. We can go ahead step by step, after having understood the sense of each own experience only.
A lot of my best friends are women. They’re on their own, for most of them. For some of them, this is a time between their last romance and the next one, for others it’s because they’re too busy to build themselves again. But in every way, their life is hard. Loneliness isn’t easy to live: nobody to heal you in the middle of the night, when you’re running a temperature, or cooking you a meal when you’re exhausted after a working day. There’s nobody, neither to help you on the gardener, nor when you’re broken, nor when you buy a new car or a new home… So they continue to make up, to dress well, to go to the hairdresser. For themselves. Not in the aim to show others how they’re sexy, but to pay them back from all they try to overcome everyday. So month after month, they become independent and self-sufficient. Sometimes I hear a thing like: “I’m happy to have done it” or “I’m proud of me” that shows how they’ve worked hard to get a good opinion of themselves.
Even life isn’t easy with men too, I just want to say they manage it in such a different way that they seem not to worry as women do. Of course, men aren’t given the same importance to things than women, but they better know to disconnect themselves with troubles before turning mad. Emotions, feelings, aren’t the same for women and men, so they drive their lives in different ways. As women often get doubts about their capacity to solve a problem, men don’t, take it as a challenge and rush. They can fail as well. A woman is more likely to think about the consequences, she compares several choices, and checks anything twice. Does she waste a precious time? No, she’s just mindful.
Who’s right?
Both are right, actually. The approach of dealing with an issue is different, but the aim is the same. Each way of doing is the best one, because they’ll both have learnt from their past experiences: the way to move on is more important than the solution.
After having spent many years dealing with lots of issues, all very opposite and sometimes very unusual, any of us can say “it’s been hard, but I’m safe”. When you look back, you can notice what you’ve done, in which way, so who is the person you’ve become. Some feel fine because they did their best, others make a positive balance-sheet: “I trust in myself now, I’ve got no fear to fail, neither to lead any fight in my life”.
Maybe the reason of all that existential mess has been just to allow us someday to be proud of ourselves and be able to say these words.
Love,
Jane