Deathless, he used to say…

This is a day after a special day, you know one of these days you’d like to forget for the rest of your life. Nevertheless, it has changed all inside and around me since. So now, time has come to make a balance sheet.

I’m on that move today, nine years after a Big Bang which has destroyed my soul and my life. I deeply believe that nothing is due to random, so I can say how much I’ve learnt from that suffering. Each morning, when I watch at my face in the mirror, there is a middle class and a middle age woman smiling, as she tries to make up her day that’s beginning. Each morning that God brings, she saves the present from her past, sparing all she can: the power of life is so strong and beautiful that she doesn’t want to lose a second for regrets.

Nine long years have been right of my innocence and I’ve lost some feathers, but not this great and big power inside, this one made to fight, live, sort out any issues, feel alive and stand on my two legs. In any way I would have surrendered nor given up the fight: sometimes, living is just a game to play against an unpredictable challenger: yourself. So you must consider it as your dark side and do with.

Now, I know better than ever which is my dark side, for having payed the full price many times. Suffering attracts more suffering, so it seems never end. But one day, I don’t know how, I said “stop”. Stop people who tried to invade my mental, my life, and so captured my strength, my energy. Stop those who were turned into destruction, negative attitudes, bad mental set or a bad meaning of life. Stop those thoughts created by my mind, just to keep me weak and dependent. I said “no”, and I felt free. It was time to become the person I wanted to be, at least one I’ve left behind a long time ago. I’ve cried a lot, I’ve prayed many times as well. I’ve forgiven and tryed to understand people who have hurt me as well. But now things and people around me are different ones: I’ve opened a  new book with some situations and characters who fit me better.

I’m a fighter, a winner, a woman, a mother, a father, a friend, a daughter, a sister, a worker, and so on; but almost all a survivor of grief. I love and need each woman I can be throughout the year, at every time, because each of them is precious to me. I use to ask some help from my angels and guides everyday, for everything and I feel stronger than ever thanks to them. I don’t feel alone either. One of them stays my favourite, and keeps taking my hand, whatever I do, wherever I am, ever. He’s now a bright, great, beautiful, rare, and loving soul; he’s my guide, my friend, my other half; an ex human being who used to tell me “I’m deathless, you know, honey!”

Tenderly,

Jane