Following the topic of “Love & About it”, I’ve been inspired to write a chapter about the way we love. Generally people around me are confused because of that question. They have an idea about the kind of person to love, or wonder when love is supposed to come again in life. They hardly wonder how to love someone as if they had the same manual for everybody! So most of the time, their last failure shows they did it no exactly as they should; they feel lost and terribly powerless when they talk about that. Then what to do to succeed next time?
When you feel ready to let love come again in your life, the way you project yourself in a relationship must give you some big information about the way you want to be loved. Do you want to be loved because you feel lonely? Because you need a financial help? Because you want a family like your sister gets? Because your parents get older? Because of how many others bad reasons? What are the true, the good ones?
In the same way, would you ask this person you just met, to mend your broken heart? Noooo! Of course, you wouldn’t! You are supposed to have done it before you meet them, no matters how long it has taken. One day, you’re ready to love again. You’ve just got one or two things about you: your way to fix an issue, to live on your own, to be simply happy and grateful for what you’ve got (or you don’t get: you have been taught that too!) and so on. You must get the experience of your own life, skills and failures, to have learnt from them, to be ready for love. So you must know that both of you are going to reveal to the other one some things they ignored about themselves yet. Good and bad things. You will have to be grateful for this learning too.
You can’t ask someone to love you in the aim to complete you. Love doesn’t give you the right to ask the other one to be or do what you don’t want to be or do by yourself. This is a question of respect, of decency. But you could be very proud of your lover who would teach you something you can’t do… here, this is an individual skill shared with the loved person.
Consider things in a new way: loving someone is to take care of this person. This is a privilege to love them. True love is too precious to be treated without any respect or indulgence ; it needs less conditions and more understanding, like with children. Don’t expect anything from your lover, unless to have talked over with them, because the unconscious expectations destroy a couple. Savor their presence: this must be a big joy, a big happiness deep in your heart! Be grateful and thankful to the Universe. Let feelings of love come into your new life.
Love,
Jane